The number of couples deciding to call it quits after 20 plus years of marriage is on the rise.
And the decision to divorce can take quite a toll, not only on the couple itself, but also on their adult children.
So, FOX23 News tried to find out why more and more people are parting ways, after spending most of their lives together.
Some relationship experts are calling the increasing number late life splits an 'exploding phenomenon.'
Clinical Psychologist Dr. Rudy Nydgegger says he's seeing the trend in his Niskayuna office.
"I don't think there's any doubt that it's happening with greater frequency, and I think for some interesting reasons," he said.
"For example, people are living longer, staying healthy longer than they have before and they get into retirement age and realize they're not ready to sit on the front porch with a shawl on their shoulders and a rug on their laps to watch the world go by," Dr. Nydegger said.
Even attorneys like Mark Myers, a partner in the Law Firm of Chenel Myers in Colonie say they're handling more baby boomer divorces now than ever before.
Myers said, "It used to be that it was uncommon to see a divorce case coming in after people have been married twenty years or so, and that's not uncommon any more. In fact, it has become a routine now. I'm talking about people have been married twenty years, twenty five years, thirty years. I had a client one time, he was married for forty three years and they came in and well, he was actually served with divorce papers, and they dissolved the marriage after for than four decades together, just like that."
One 2010 statistic estimates that 25 percent of people married 20 years or longer are getting a divorce.
Dr. Nydegger said, "A lot of times people will say 'well we're just different.' Their lives have changed, and they want to try a different route."
Myers agrees. He said, "You hear a lot of things like, 'I've been treated this way for so long, and now I'm just not going to put up with it anymore.'"
Fifty-one-year-old Dan lives in the Capital Region.
He says his world was shattered when his wife suddenly left him for another man after having two sons, and spending nearly two decades with her.
With tears welling up in his eyes Dan said, "Instead of waiting for us to get through the hard times and work things out, she (his ex-wife) decided to make a quick change, and that was kind of her nature of doing things, and that's what worked for her. And the consequences for me just totally were not taken into consideration at all."
And Dan isn't alone.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau, fewer than half of couples wed between 1974 and 1979 were still married at the 25-year mark.
Dr. Nydegger says sometimes divorce eases tension for at least one party.
"Some people say that they've been wrestling with the issues of the relationship for so long, that by the time they get to the point where they say, 'okay, enough is enough!' that it's more a sense of relief," he said.
But for Dan, divorce brought no relief.
"In many respects it is like the death of a person, and the only problem is, you get them calling you occasionally, and you get reminders when you get mail addressed to both of you," Dan said from experience.
The Capital Region native says the divorce also took a big toll on his grown kids.
"They're confronted with the fact that one of my parents cheats, or is a liar or unfaithful or whatever, and I think it's very hard for them to split their emotions like that between two parents," Dan said.
And attorney's say late life divorces present unique legal issues too.
Myers said, "401K's, pensions, these are assets that are probably worth the most in a marriage, or in a divorce in a marital estate. So financial planning is huge. Health insurance, life insurance, wills, things like that all have to be addressed, and they have to be taken into consideration because these things affect the older, senior divorcee or divorced person more so than it does the younger people. The younger people have time to rebuild wealth."
The Colonie attorney says late life divorce also presents a major problem when dividing the tangible assets.
"It's not just the fact of 'how do you split the equity,' but also, they're not used to paying a mortgage payment. So now, depending upon how you split the equity or what you do with the marital residence, now you're going from a single family home with no mortgage payment or no rent payment or anything, to two separate households and probably renting or buying a house. That's a big, unexpected expense," Myers said.
But Dan says even when divorce is forced on you, and isn't necessarily your own choice or decision, once the dust settles, there is life after a late life divorce.
"You forgive the person, and you don't accept what they have done, but you have forgiveness for them and you move on from there because you're not holding on to that bitterness."
Dr. Nydegger suggests anyone struggling to cope with a late life divorce seek professional counseling.
And Dan says support groups can also be a big help.
Dan told us he would not have survived the divorce if not for S.O.S., or Singles Outreach Services out of Albany.
You can call 518 452 6883 to find out how to get involved with S.O.S.
There are also several online support groups and blogs designed specifically to help divorcee's deal with the many drastic changes in their lives.
To start chatting about divorcing after decades now click here, and here.
